About a Lovely Summer Evening


You’ve decided to get married and you’re happy. Like a Matryoshka doll, this big decision carries many other smaller ones. One of the perhaps most important decisions is whether you’re going to have a wedding or not. On the one hand, you really want to celebrate this decision with your loved ones. On the other, the idea of organizing something and society and the system’s immediate need to cast you into the role of a ‘princess who is just dying for a wedding,’ is causing some very deep stress. While the exaggerated claims of professionals make you run from the whole idea, the various nice but unsound comments from non-professionals make you even more distant. And so you just stand there dumbfounded with a giant looming question mark.

A few months ago I was exactly in this position. We kept on thinking about a celebratory solution that wouldn’t require a big organization, that wouldn’t cause great disillusion until we finally said ‘yes,’ and where we could really have a good time. A lot of things turned into an equation with many variables. While we decided on the venue, the invitations, catering, music etc. we often became quite vexed and exhausted.

Of course I wanted to avoid taking things too seriously and focus on enjoying the whole process, but this sometimes couldn’t happen. However, in the end I was very happy and had a fantastic evening. Maybe some of the inferences we gathered during this time will help someone out during the wedding season. (What comes next might not be so interesting for male readers, in fact they may have already stopped reading.)

Avoid getting lost in the details and veering away from your prime goal. The venue, wedding gown, flowers, cake, music etc. There’s no doubt that you’ll want to marry in a way that reflects your style and outlook on life. It’s almost impossible not to become listless and drown amongst the many decisions that need to be made (unless for the ones whose life goal is actually organizing their wedding.) That’s why you should spend a minimum amount of time thinking about these subjects and make decisions quickly. Of course the beauty of the flowers and the deliciousness of the cake is important, but don’t forget about your actual goal: celebrating your decision to spend the rest of your lives together with your loved ones. That’s all.

Release yourself of you prejudices. When I began to look for wedding dresses the only thing I said was, “I’ll never wear a strapless and fluffy gown.” But as luck would have it, the only dress in which I felt comfortable turned out to be strapless and fluffy! (Ok so at least it wasn’t fluffy at the waist). Just as I realized I should never form such sentences, I also remembered how good it was to be a bit flexible. I just want to add, in terms of hair and makeup, it’s more advantageous to be yourself as much as possible.

Only invite the people you love. Even though this appears like an obvious rule, it can very easily be broken. Free yourself of reasons such as ‘it’ll be rude,’ or ‘they invited us to their wedding.’ Only the people you really love should be there. Be realistic. What made me most upset after the wedding was the fact that I couldn’t spend as much time with everyone as I had wanted. But remember, unless you have a wedding with only ten people, this situation is unavoidable especially from a practical standpoint.

Starting in the morning, focus on enjoying the entire day. The day you marry is inevitably 24 hours long. It’s going to start and end. As such, try to be as relaxed and joyous as possible for every opportune moment. Don’t let small defects affect your mood and stop to really observe your surroundings. You’re marrying the person you love (I hope!) the people you love are all around you. There’s no reason for you to be unhappy.

Walk slowly during the first appearance. Just like Ege, I’m one of those people who has a hard time walking slowly. But when I saw how I passed by like a whirlwind in all the photos, I decided that I should have made an exception that day. Also, I’d avoid candles on your walking path, even if they give off a great glow. I wouldn’t have preferred to do my first walk with the worry that the candles might fall over and set fire to me and my dress.

Ultimately, during a lovely summer evening, I got married to the person I loved amongst all the people I hold dear. And I think that was the whole point.

Wishing you all happiness,

Begüm

Photo credit: KO.KA

Translated by Feride Yalav-Heckeroth

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