After watching a video recently, a light bulb literally went off in my head. This short video, which was made by writer and director Jason Headley, expresses, in a very convincing tone, people’s desire to simply be ‘listened to,’ sometimes.

As someone who finds complaining fruitless, rather choosing to focus on whatever can be changed, (even though the video has typified women as the complainers and men as the problem solvers, I really don’t think there is gender distinction in this matter) whenever someone I care about shares their troubles with me, I find myself trying to find a solution. Even though trying to find a solution could give way to a moment of enlightenment for the other person, I sometimes just saw the sadness of not being understood in their faces. And that was in fact the whole issue! They didn’t want a solution offering. They just wanted to share the emotions of that moment. They didn’t want to hear an analysis of the past or recommendations for the future akin to a psychological report.

Even though a desire to save the person from their woes lies beneath our need to create solutions, perhaps it’s just enough to be a good listener.

Thank you Jason. Whenever I see a nail in someone’s forehead, I’ll be sure to think of you.

Begüm

Translated by Feride Yalav-Heckeroth