I recently found out that a dear friend was pregnant. And I learned this with a very unusual message from her: “I’m going to have a son. But I realize that even when I’m carrying the most precious thing to me, one that I would gladly die for, I am still me. I mean, I still can’t change some of the habits that I want to change. Then, I think, humans grow and change over time but sometimes they don’t grow or change. Or at least that’s how I am. And I really love myself. I can’t say that I love myself as I am because I don’t know myself well enough but I love all of my to and fros. It’s funny how the mistakes that I’ve made ended up making me love myself. I wanted to share this with you.”
I found it extremely valuable that a mother-to-be could see herself so clearly and love herself. It’s a huge test to stay true to oneself when growing precious new life within. This test, I believe, isn’t only for mothers but also for those who labor for something worthwhile. People we love, our invaluable goals, getting sucked in by the things that we can’t let go of make it easier for us to blur our sense of self and not see our natural limits. But I believe that loving and believing in something should never threaten the core of our being. We shouldn’t put up with those who hurt because they love or become someone who makes others suffer for their own good.
Going to and fro, taking a step towards transformation and taking a step backwards. We all have a right to stall sometimes as long as we are aware enough and know ourselves enough to see what we’re doing.