Create Your Own Group!

Biding farewell to your payroll and establishing your own business, taking on interesting hobbies, seeing new countries, exploring new experiences, going outside your comfort zone…you dream about one (or more) of these. You say, “I can do it!” to yourself and it seems to be possible. However, when you share your plans with friends and family, with those optimistically blinking neon lights in your eyes, you generally have to face a reality check.

Your loved ones respond effusively, starting with themes of inflation and ending up at natural disasters. You wind up being the butt of ‘you can’t do it’ and ‘you just want too much’ commentary. From philosophy, psychology, economy, and sociology, endless obstacles are placed in our way (always out of love).

Perhaps instead of having our dreams crushed by our close circle, it’s more realistic to expect support from those who make us feel good about ourselves. Because for a lot of people love is, first and foremost, a deep fear of loss. And it’s not just panic over death or disease, or the end of love. It’s a bottomless fear of loneliness cultivated through an unrealistic desire for our loved ones to always be as we know and recognize them. Humankind searches for partners in pain, injustice, and the need for protection. If we fall, we should do so together (always out of love).

What if we blatantly reject falling? Renounce being as they know us? The people who love us less because we don’t fulfill their expectations, didn’t love us to begin with. What would happen if we distanced our dreams from those we call our ‘close circle’ only due to arbitrary physical proximity? What if we created our own group of people who are excited by the same things, whose eyes shine with the same enthusiasm, who look off into the distance to see the present? (always out of selfishness).

Simple rules and a road map

 ♦Don’t ever try to change or convince a person who diminishes your dreams. Just say, ‘maybe you’re right.’ But let that be the last ‘I have an idea, what do you think’ exchange between you. Learn your lesson.

♦Take a break from work colleagues who distress your soul with their admonitory conversations. If eating alone will make you unhappy, at least make some time after the meal to be alone. Even if it’s small and unimportant, do something to ease your soul. Drinking your favorite drink at a café, browsing through new albums at a music store, getting lost among the shelves at a bookstore, sitting at a park and observing your surroundings, or enjoying a street musician’s free performance…if your working environment is not conducive to these types of socializations, then finding a quiet corner to read a few pages from a book will bring you one step closer to being a member of your own group.

♦There are definitely people out there who have the same or similar dreams as you. Don’t give up on believing in or finding them. Browse through online forums where you discover new ideas, research announcements that excite you, take a look at blogs and websites that rouse your interest, leave comments and try to make contact. Someone will definitely get back to you.

♦Let’s say during a conversation a person is mentioned and their accomplishments have impressed you. You may have thought, the things I would ask them if only they were here. Don’t miss out on this opportunity. Ask your mutual acquaintance to at least introduce you via e-mail. After, kindly ask for a chance to meet. Perhaps you’ve found the perfect mentor for your group!

♦Socialize slowly. You’re not expected to have a group of 100 people in the first weeks! Plus it’s more important to have a group of quality rather than quantity. Perhaps you’ll only have three main people that you meet once every 15 days. Or you’ll meet lots of new people from all over the world. What’s important is that your group is composed of creative people who provide you with morale and enthusiasm. Who always focus on what’s possible, support rather than shackle down, and who share their experiences and reinforce your beliefs.

♦Let’s remember that we don’t necessarily have to be travelers on the same journey. All those people whose lifestyles, way of working, and eloquence you admire are all members of a common group. The owner of a restaurant whose dishes you find delicious, a witty bus driver, a traveling salesman who has developed his own ingenious sales tactic…When you look for inspiration in the heart of the city, rather than CEO offices where vital decisions are made, your findings will be much more authentic and sincere. Get closer, talk, ask questions. Because every new group needs new stories.


Translated by Feride Yalav-Heckeroth

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