Two days ago I had one of the, perhaps, worst experiences of my life. What I thought was a simple case of low blood pressure turned out to be much more. The challenging situation of trying to endure corrosive life situations and living in fear had crossed my physical, mental, and spiritual threshold.
That night, the idea of spending time alone, which was otherwise one of my favorite things in life, became more frightening than ever before. Because I couldn’t subdue my thoughts. The small joys that normally lifted my spirits suddenly seemed utterly absurd, while the feeling that I would never again be part of the work that excited me persisted. My stomach, which is known as the second brain, became aware of the situation thwarting any kind of sustenance. I had poisoned myself.
I literally chased down the news and did all the things that Ege advised us against in her “The News” article. As if reading the newspaper wasn’t enough, I began wildly browsing through those social media channels I had previously never used. With every word and every bit of news I read, I became like a knocked-out boxer. A boxer with a face full of bleeding gashes who still persists. Even though I knew that what I wrote, believed, and shared would help a few people, I was afraid that I would never be able to do it again. As my home, neighborhood, and city seemed to implode, I thought that nothing, and I mean nothing, was more important than my wellbeing.
There’s no doubt that approaching the world outside our own small domain with compassion is a precious undertaking. However, if this path threatens to devour us or annihilate our perhaps single ideal and hope of living in a peaceful and harmonious world, then we must think twice.
In a time when humane values are increasingly vanishing, where the ability to be surprised still has some value, perhaps we need to pay more attention to our own worlds, the people in our lives, and even the people we don’t know.
Perhaps, like Ege stated in her post, we need to free ourselves of the large toothed wheel and try to become part of something that’s good for us, no matter how small.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to exempt myself from the fearmongering news and those who list horror scenarios through the country’s latest situation. I think we’re all in dire need of seeing some sunshine.